When "I do" becomes "I Don't Want To.."

It all started in marital bliss.
Holding hands, truly living the first year as newlyweds, rushing home to be with your spouse, leaving notes of love and after some time has passed things seem to be getting worse.
Holding hands now sounds like a far stretch, newlyweds turned into new frustrations, rushing home becomes rushing to get out the door and loving notes becomes cold, and mean letters of the latest issue.

It is not uncommon for marriages to have their bumps in the road. Speaking from experience, I know its these situations that really test ones marriage. I often think there is a reason why marriage is half our deen! Are we truly in it for the long haul? Are we ready to handle test with togetherness or when tough time comes is it everyone for themselves? Are we about making our marriages work or are we working against it??

We must strive to make our marriages work and not give up. Today couples will split over finances, arguments, and a lack of togetherness. Islam has the remedy for all these matters.

Make the intention to want peace:

Allah is As Salaam- and He can put the peace and love in the hearts of a husband and wife, they also have to want that love and peace and make mutual efforts to strive for it.
Allah says in the Quran “If you fear a breach between them (the man and his wife) appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause reconciliation..” Surah An'Nisa ayat 35

If you and your husband wake up each morning with the intent of peace then Allah will give you what you strive for. Getting consultation is recommended, but it is about the intentions, have the intent to truly make changes, concede if need be, and move on from past issues that is hindering your future.

Kind words:

"A person utters a word thoughtlessly (i.e., without thinking about it being good or not, or if these
words have any significance that will raise their ranks in Heaven) and, as a result of this, he will
fall down into the fire of Hell deeper than the distance between the east and the west.''
[Bukhari and Muslim]

Increase the love by saying a kind word. Do you find that you and your husband are constantly bickering? Bringing each other down with negative words? What do you think a kind word will do? It will raise you up, how we speak to each other says a lot about how we feel about each other.

Your Fault, His Fault:

Let's take accountability for our own selves. We cannot change anyone but our selves.
Remember Shaytan also places blame, in the Quran Allah says in Surah 15 verse 39 Shaytan said “Since You (Allah) misled me into doing wrong, I will make wrong seem right to them on earth, and I will mislead them into wrong...”
Let us stop blaming each other and focus on our own issues, maybe it is then that when we overcome them, our marriages will be better. It is possible that half the time when we think the other person is the problem, it really turns out that we are the problem. When you change your negative qualities and become a more loving, caring, and considerate spouse you will find that your husband will also be the same and changes will be made, that you did not have to try and force on him.

Things may not change over night, but those who are worth it, it is worth the time and effort. Marriage is a wonderful union between a man and woman and part of being a union is being united. 


  1. Assalamualaikum, can I share this elsewhere? ofcourse, I will not take credit for the article :) I will provide source as http://traditionalmuslimah.blogspot.in/2011/11/when-i-do-becomes-i-dont-want-to.html.. please let me know! JazakAllah khair

    1. Wa alaykumsalaam inshaAllah please just share the link and inshaAllah they will be able to come to the site t o rad it :0) thanks so much for asking!

  2. Assalaamu'alaykum sis,

    Jazaakillaahu khayr for this article.

    I was wondering if you have any advice for a woman whose husband cheated on her...? How to move on, how to trust again..?


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