Monday, November 28, 2011

Reflections- A Mothers Advice

Abd al-Malik (RA) said: “When ‘Awf ibn Muhallim al-Shaybani, one of the most 

highly respected leaders of the Arab nobility during the jahiliyyah, married
his daughter Umm Iyas to al-Harith ibn ‘Amr al-Kindi, she was made ready to
be taken to the groom, then her mother, Umamah came into her, to advise her
and said:

‘O my daughter, if it were deemed unnecessary to give you this advice
because of good manners and noble descent, then it would have been
unnecessary for you, because you posses these qualities, but it will serve
as a reminder to those who are forgetful, and will help those who are wise.

‘O my daughter, if a woman were able to do without a husband by virtue of
her father’s wealth and her need for her father, then you of all people
would be most able to do without a husband, but women were created for men
just as men were created for them.

‘O my daughter, you are about to leave the home in which you grew up, where
you first learned to walk, to go to a place you do not know, to a companion
to whom you are unfamiliar. By marrying you, he has become a master over
you, so be like a servant to him, and he will become like a servant to you.

‘Take from me ten qualities, which will be a provision and a reminder for

‘The first and second of them are: be content in his company, and listen to
and obey him, for contentment brings peace of mind, and listening to and
obeying one’s husband pleases Allah.

‘The third and fourth of them are: make sure that you smell good and look
good; he should not see anything ugly in you, and he should not smell
anything but a pleasant smell from you. Kohl is the best kind of
beautification to be found, and water is better than the rarest perfume.

‘The fifth and sixth of them are: prepare his food on time, and keep quiet
when he is asleep, for raging hunger is like a burning flame, and disturbing
his sleep will make him angry.

‘The seventh and eight of them are: take care of his servants (or employees)
and children, and take care of his wealth, for taking care of his wealth
shows that you appreciate him, and taking care of his children and servants
shows good management.

‘The ninth and tenth of them are: never disclose any of his secrets, and
never disobey any of his orders, for if you disclose any of his secrets you
will never feel safe from his possible betrayal, and if you disobey him, his
heart will be filled with hatred towards you.

‘Be careful, O my daughter, of showing joy in front of him when he is upset,
and do not show sorrow in front of him when he is happy, because the former
shows a lack of judgment whilst the latter will make him unhappy.

‘Show him as much honour and respect as you can, and agree with him as much
as you can, so that he will enjoy your companionship and conversation.

‘Know, O my daughter, that you will not achieve what you would like to until
you put his pleasure before your own, and his wishes before yours, in
whatever you like and dislike. And may Allah choose what is best for you and
protect you.”

Sunday, November 27, 2011

Homemaking Beyond Our Homes

After obligatory rites, the action most beloved to Allah is delighting other Muslims.”  -Hadith 

This hadith was a test for me this past week. We went to family and friends homes for a visit and before we went, I spent much time asking Allah to make me of a benefit when I visit them and not be a burden.  Sometimes I can be distant and keep to myself because of my shyness, but this does not help me benefit others, even though I actually thought it did.

One important reminder my husband gave me years ago is that when you go to someone else's home you want to be a benefit and also leave things better than how you found it. I looked back at my past visits and realized I could strive to be a better servant to my friends and family.

I used this weekend to implement that. Have you ever had a friend that came to your home, and they ate, left a mess, and did not offer to help out? Or have you ever been that person? SubhanAllah I realized that being a blessing in someones home is as important as being a blessing in your own home.

Who invites people back to their home if they create additional mess to the mess you already have to clean up? 
Makes me think of the following hadith: 

The most beloved of people according to Allāh is he who brings most benefit, and the most beloved of deeds according to Allāh the Mighty, the Magnificent, is that you bring happiness to a fellow Muslim, or relieve him of distress, or pay off his debt or stave away hunger from him. It is more beloved to me that I walk with my brother Muslim in his time of need than I stay secluded in the mosque for a month. Whoever holds back his anger, Allāh will cover his faults and whoever suppresses his fury while being able to execute it, Allāh will fill his heart with satisfaction on the Day of Standing. Whoever walks with his brother Muslim in need until he establishes that for him, Allāh will establish his feet firmly on the day when all feet shall slip. Indeed, bad character ruins deeds just as vinegar ruins honey.” (Tabarāni, Hasan)"

Rumi once said people want you to be pleasant, don't keep serving them your pain.   So we should go to other's homes to brighten it , not bring fitnah and worries. Bring gifts if we can and not stress.

Allah says in the Quran:

          Serve Allah And Associate None With Him. Show Kindness To Your Parents And Kinsfolk, And To The Orphans, To The Needy, To Your Near And Distant Neighbors, To Your Fellow‑Travelers, To The Wayfarer, And To What Your Right Hands Possess: For Allah Loves Not The Arrogant And Haughty Men.
(Surah  4:  Ayah  36)

When we visit others from now on lets strive to bring much barakah into the homes and be the neighbor (vister) we would like to have in our own homes.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Homemade Bread- First Time

MashaAllah I am so excited about my first time making bread! I read this easy beginners  recipe on how to make your own bread a couple days ago.

Needless to say I have been waiting for the perfect time to make the bread. Bread making is a 3 hour process and because I did this from scratch without a bread maker, I waited until 1 a.m. to make bread ...the first night I over slept and the second night I was determined to make the bread for my family.

It was such a peaceful experience as the children slept, my husband kept me company as I made the bread and we had a nice time. I will be making bread more often inshaAllah in the late night, it was calm and felt so good to do this.

I dhikr as I made the bread, before starting I ask Allah to guide my hands and as I stirred in the ingredients I said  Alhamdulilah and SubhanAllah :)

rep Time: 3 hours
Cook Time: 45 minutes
Total Time: 3 hours, 45 minutes

3/4 cup warm water
1 package active dry yeast
1 tsp salt
1-1/2 tbsp sugar
1 tbsp vegetable shortening
1/2 cup milk
3 cups all-purpose flour, approximately

In large bowl, add the warm water. Slowly stir in dry yeast. Continue to stir until yeast is dissolved.
Add salt, sugar, shortening, and milk to bowl. Stir.
Mix in the first 2 cups of flour.
If needed, begin adding more flour, one tablespoon at a time, until the dough chases the spoon around the bowl.
You do not need to use up all the flour called for in this recipe, or you may need more flour than called for. The amounts vary depending on many factors, including weather, which is why most bread recipes only give an approximate amount of flour needed.
Turn dough out onto floured board and knead, adding small spoonfuls of flour as needed, until the dough is soft and smooth, not sticky to the touch.
Put dough in buttered bowl, turn dough over so that the top of dough is greased. Cover and let rise in warm spot for 1 hour.
Punch down dough. Turn out onto floured board and knead.
Preheat oven at 375 degrees F.
Form dough into loaf and set in buttered bread pan. Cover and let rise for about 30 minutes.
Score dough by cutting three slashes across the top with a sharp knife. Put in oven and bake for about 45 minutes or until golden brown.
Turn out bread and let cool on a rack or clean dishtowel.

I thought about Saiyda Asma radiAllahu anha in the following hadith:

"“Al-Zubayr married me, and he had no wealth, no slaves, nothing except his horse. I used to feed his horse, looking after it and exercising it. I crushed date-stones to feed his camel. I used to bring water and repair the bucket, and I used to make bread but I could not bake it, so some of my Ansari neighbors, who were kind women, used to bake it for me."


Monday, November 21, 2011

Gathering At The Maidah- Family Dinners

In one hadith of the Prophet (SAW), some of his companions complained that they ate but were not satisfied. The Prophet (S) said, "Perhaps you eat separately." They said, "Yes." He said, "If you gather together and mention Allah's name, you will be blessed in it." (Abu Dawud) 

Alhamdulilah it has always been sunnah to eat together as a family, friends, and community. Growing up I was not raised in a Muslim home, but my mother made it a tradition to eat together and have big meals on Sunday. MashaAllah I have always had that mentality growing up about the importance of bonding and being together at the dinner table. I think nowadays with microwave meals and hungryman dinners, people are not eating together as much anymore. It's truly sad, as children are growing up not experiencing real home cooked meals and family dinners.

Do you have dinners as a family or do your family members get their plate and eat in their rooms? How can you create a since of closeness when their is distance?

The most beloved dish according to Allah is that which most hands feed from.” (Ibn Hibban, Hasan

The benefits of eating together:

  1. Family bonding and closeness- we can ask our children about their day and how they are feeling. Showing that we care about what is happening in their life.  This is also creates a better relationship with parents
  2. Wonderful memories- I loved sitting with my brothers and sisters at the dinner table and being with the ones I love. Especially if I have not seen them all day, we are eager to catch up. Children will pass on these wonderful traditions in their own family.
  3. Diversity- We can began to share different meals and talk about where foods originate, have themes in your home and it's a great way to teach a lesson
  4. Islamic eating habits- We are teaching our children a beautiful sunnah and also how toeat and manners of eating in Islam
MashaAllah so many benefits in eating together. Cooking with love and dhikr makes our dishes much more blessed and then sharing it together is a blessing in itself and beautiful experience! 

Also getting children to help in the kitchen with cooking and cleaning is important. Children are more inclined to eat food they helped to make and also they learn how to cook. We are teaching responsibility as children learn the importance of keeping a clean kitchen and seeing how much love and effort it takes to get meals made and keeping a kitchen clean
Strive to make time to eat together and you will be surprised at how wonderful a feeling it is!

Saturday, November 19, 2011

Happy Muslimah Homemaker

This world is just temporary conveniences, and the best comfort in this world is a righteous woman.”Haadith

The heart of her husband safely trusts her; so he will have no lack of gain. She does
him good and not evil all the days of her life. (Prov. 31:11-12)

Alhamdulilah when I finally decided to embrace the role Allah has given me, I felt so much relief. Having been married for 5 years mashaAllah I was not always into the idea of homemaking, alhamdulilah Allah has blessed me to be completely happy and satisfied with this beautiful role.

The Journey Was Not Easy:
I married at 23, for the second time. After getting a divorce I was used to doing my own thing. Freely moving about, having my own job, my own place and when I remarried I did not realize how much this shaped some of my views. I was not used to hearing what I could and could not do. Cooking cleaning and doing things the way my husband enjoyed it was foreign to me and surely not a practice amongst my closest peers

Happily Married & Homemaking:
Allah has opened my heart to the role that women were created for. We are here to be our husbands helpers, to obey them, serve and care for them. Women can be thrown off by the word serve but service is a virtuous act and there is nothing wrong with aiding our husbands and taking care of his needs. 

There are many hadith that show the importance of honoring and respecting our husbands. Do we truly understand the weight of these words: 

“If I were to order anyone to prostrate to anyone else, I would have ordered women to prostrate to their husbands.” Hadith

‘A’ishah (radhiallahu anha) asked Allah’s Messenger (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam): “Who has the greatest rights over a woman?” He said, “Her husband.” She asked, ‘And who has the greatest rights over a man?” He said, “His mother.”Hadith

Once we truly follow these hadith we will find our marriages to be truly blessed and a blessing. After asking Allah to make my marriage better and stronger alhamdulilah I can say that after respecting his role as a husband and understanding mine, things have gotten much better.

We know who wants our marriages to fail and families to be in chaos...Shaytan (May Allah curse him)

Shaytans goal is to destory marriages and break families apart. Shaytan does this by whispering to families and causing some serious D words: discord, disunity and dysfunction! which leads to the culmination of all the D words...divorce and we need to promote keeping our families healthy, spiritual and together. 

One of the ways to keeping our marriages strong and spiritually strong is to look to our beautiful woman in the time of the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salaam and read Allah's words on marriage and the hadith the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salaam shared for our benefit.

So when will we listen?

Please Do not feel like homemaking is a role that is inadequate and meaningless. Women in the past have done so much for their homes.  

Hadith-  Al-Zubayr married me, and he had no wealth, no slaves, nothing except his horse. I used to feed his horse, looking after it and exercising it. I crushed date-stones to feed his camel. I used to bring water and repair the bucket, and I used to make bread but I could not bake it, so some of my Ansari neighbors, who were kind women, used to bake it for me. I used to carry the dates from the garden that the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) had given to al-Zubayr on my head, and this garden was two-thirds of a farsakh away. 

This hadith continues on but here we see that Asma bint Abu Bakr radiAllahu anha actively helped her husband. It is a beautiful and noble quality to devote ourselves to our husband, children, and community and the best of women did it!

A friend of mine said that "After pleasing my Lord, I enjoy pleasing my husband" do we enjoy pleasing our husbands and do we hold them in the high value they should be in? It is not always easy but we must strive to. 

I now wake up each morning and read some motivational words to start my day, hadith on homemaking, Bible verses, women homemking blogs alhamdulilah they all have benefited me and I am happier than I have been in 5 years.

The road less traveled?

I thought I was alone in Islamic homemaking but have found so much comfort in the hadith of beautiful women such as Sayida Fatima radiAllahu anha that worked hard for her family and I am amazed and moved by the hadith, I have been reading every day. I know this is something Allah is pleased with and my family benefits from it.

Pleasing our husbands is a matter of heaven or hell, so where do we want to end up? When our husbands leave out the door are they angry or happy? Whatever our position is with our husband and he happens to die, says a lot!

A woman came to ask the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) about some matter, and when he had dealt with it, he asked her, “Do you have a husband?” She said, “Yes.” He asked her, “How are you with him?” She said, “I never fall short in my duties, except for that which is beyond me.” He said, “Pay attention to how you treat him, for he is your Paradise and your Hell.” 

I pray Allah guide us all into to becoming better at our wifely duties. Our souls depend on it :)

Thursday, November 17, 2011

Allah: The Cure for Burdens, Fatigue, and Hard Days of Homemaking

Feeling burdened
Hard days

Some days we feel all these things, we have much to do and at moments we feel backed against the wall. Alhamdulilah there is a remedy for these feelings: Allah. 

We should never look at our blessings as burdens, the good and the bad of it. There is blessings in everything that happens to us, even in our afflictions:

Anyone for whom Allah intends good, He makes him suffer from some affliction. (Bukhari)

 Look at your afflictions as a means of purification in this world and ask Allah for forgiveness. 

Are we not tested daily with our children, our relationships and even property (bills bills bills)

 The believing man or woman continues to have affliction in person, property and children so that they may finally meet Allah, free from sin. (Tirmidhi)

No calamity befalls a Muslim but that Allah expiates some of his sins because of it, even though it were the prick he receives from a thorn. (Bukhari)

 SubhanAllah! Take comfort in our discomfort! When tending to our families we should not look at them as burdens but look at them with love and tend to them with love and kindness, not with frustration and regret

No burden do We place on any soul but that which it can bear. (6:152)
And those who believe and do good – We do not impose upon any of them a burden beyond his capacity. (7:42)

Sayida Fatima hands were becoming sore from working the mill and was seeking assistance. Hearing that a few slave girls were  captured she went to inquire about obtaining one. When she could not find the Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salaam, she made her request known to Aisha, later hearing of Sayida Fatima's inquiry he salallahu alayhi wa salaam responded to Sayida Fatima in the following hadith:

Volume 7, Book 64, Number 275 

Narrated 'Ali bin Abi Talib: 
Fatima came to the Prophet asking for a servant. He said, "May I inform you of something better than that? When you go to bed, recite "Subhan Allah' thirty three times, 'Alhamdulillah' thirty three times, and 'Allahu Akbar' thirty four times. 'All added, 'I have never failed to recite it ever since." Somebody asked, "Even on the night of the battle of Siffin?" He said, "No, even on the night of the battle of Siffin."

I read that hadith tonight and I had to share ! This is going to be one to remember when we feel the fatigue and worn out days of homemaking, even our beloved Sayida Fatima had much on her plate.

I am encouraging moms, wives, sisters that when we feel like it's too much,  remember Allah and strive to say this every night, keep asking Allah for an increase in patience, gratitude, and know that our Lord is Merciful and has blessed us every day!

Make duaa often in good and bad times. These are two duaas I say often when I feel that I may need an increase in patience and gratitude

Rabbi zidnee sabur - My Lord increase me patience

Rabbi zidnee shukr- My Lord increase me in gratitude

Happy Homemaking!!

Wednesday, November 16, 2011

Tofu Fettuccine Alfredo

I never used to be a great cook but alhamdulilah hubby has says I have gotten a lot better mashaAllah!

We had tofu fettuccine alfredo

I sauteed the tofu with onion and seasoned it.

The awesome thing about the tofu was that it was already cubed :) hubby made my job much easier.

After sauteing the tofu until the onion became transparent I simply added the alfredo sauce on top and put it on top of fettuccine

You called also turn the tofu intil homemade alfredo sauce by blending it, adding soy milk, Parmesan cheese, parsley, pepper and there you have homemade alfredo sauce

I used this lovely multi grained pasta
Yummy mashaAllah!!

MashaAllah the children and hubby enjoyed it. They boys ate the tofu without a problem. Tofu is good in protein , calcium and vitamin E alhamdulilah. I have read it is known to aid in making cancers less likely, particularly breast cancer. InshaAllah next time I think I will make the tofu into alfredo sauce

Monday, November 14, 2011

Sundays Sister Circle

Alhamdulilah so excited about our Sundays Sister Circle, every Sunday starting November 20th inshaAllah we will be reading text that will motivate us, inspire us, and help us in our life. 

We will start by reading Ponn Sabra's ebook Balancing Life As A Muslim Mom, pages 1-4 inshaAllah and discussing it on Sunday at 9 est. it is a free ebook and easily obtained from the website. 

We are open to text suggestions for future Sundays Sister Circle readings. InshaAllah all our sessions will be via skype, add the name traditionalmuslimah to join us inshaAllah!

For those who miss it inshaAllah will share notes about each section here on the blog

Happy Homemaking!

Menu Planner and Free Printable

Alhamdulilah yesterday I started formally menu planning and today I have stuck to it. Yay! MashaAllah hubby listened to me read him the weeks menu and has also helped in getting the items necessary for the week. Monday is Market day!

I created my own menu planner on the computer and made it available for other moms who need an idea of making a menu planner or you can simply use the one I made.

It was quick and fun for me. There are some days of the week where will we be out for dinner and we have already planned what to bring for our travels for when we are out

Are you using a menu planner? It adds some organization in my life alhamdulilah looking forward to doing the next weeks menu :)

PDF:  Traditional Muslimah Homemaker Menu

Happy Homemaking!

Sunday, November 13, 2011

Putting Noor In Your Sink

Okay okay, I'm a Fly Lady in the making. I fly, I fall and then I fly some more. One thing is, I love their methods such as shining your sink and using a timer. I benefited from these two points the most.

Once I shine my sink and it's gleaming in the kitchen, it really does make me want to shine my whole kitchen. I think shining my sink is an inspiration for me.

If you have not joined The FlyLady's page it is on facebook and they have a website too

Do you put some noor in your sink? Put noor in your home, a clean home makes your place shine, it really lights up my home Also I feel good and want to continue that good feeling. Alhamdulilah The Flylady system can sometimes fill overwhelming, but there is a lot of wealth and benefit from what I take from it. Also recommend 31 Days To Clean- Having A Martha House The Mary way.... this ebook cost less than 4 dollars and it really is a good book! It has a website too with cleaning challenges, simple, nice, and beneficial! I really recommend it.

When I shine my sink my husband is a big supporter of course but not because it is clean but because he is always proud of the attempts I make to be better at homemaking, he always says "As salaamu alaykum Flylady" and tells me how fly I am :)

Put some noor in your sink

Inner Winter- The Bitter Cold

He said a lot of things in the past you just can't forget. Feelings you thought you left behind a long time ago are really manifesting in your relationship every day. You struggle to move on, but that one word or new argument opens old wounds that appear to never heal.

These feelings hold you back from moving forward. Your marriage or any relationship that you had with others where you hold bitterness and resentment in your heart will not allow you to have a healthy relationship.

Moving on is easier said than done. With time and proper healing, we can rid ourselves of that inner winter, that coldness of bitterness. I have had relationships in the past and the present that I have not really healed from, and when that happens you find yourself bringing old baggage in new relationships and you start sabotaging your new relationships  Even sabotaging your marriage.

It is a real test for a believer to forgive another. Have you said something to someone else that you felt bad about later? Imagine if that person resented you for what you said. Not a good feeling? So imagine what we are doing to ourselves and others when we do not forgive. We know our Lord is Al Ghaffur- The All Forgiving, and daily we sin and we sin and we sin some more, but our Lord does not resent us for it, He simply wants us to ask for forgiveness and strive to stay away from sinning. Allah says in the Quran " Surah An Nisa and whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allah's Forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful

None of us are perfect and have to remember that spending time hating, resenting, and being bitter it truly wasted time. Sure your feelings were hurt, and if this person made a sincere attempt to apologize and do better than nothing is holding us back from moving on except ourselves. 

You have some who may never make up for the wrongs they caused you and for you, that is okay. We have to stop allowing people to control how we feel and determine how we live our life. Life is much pleasurable and enjoyable when resentment and bitterness is not eating away at you. It is killing your life and relationships, it is up to us to make the decision to move on, sincerely--and as we do not want Allah to not forgive us, we should strive to do the same for others. As much as we do bad-wrong-haraam-that is not pleasing to our Lord, we should be concerned in often seeking His forgiveness and practice that forgiveness in our life.

The Prophet was the most forgiving person. He was ever ready to forgive his enemies. When he went to Ta’if to preach the message of Allah, its people mistreated him, abused him and hit him with stones. He left the city humiliated and wounded. When he took shelter under a tree, the angel of Allah visited him and told him that Allah sent him to destroy the people of Ta’if because of their sin of maltreating their Prophet. Muhammad prayed to Allah to save the people of Ta'if, because what they did was out of their ignorance.-Hadith

Salallahu alayhi wa salaam!! What a hadith to reflect on about forgiving others.

Keys to forgiving others and having healthy relationships:

  • Pray for the one who wronged you and pray for them to become better
  • Ask Allah to change your heart with the intent of not having animosity against anyone 
  • Take A Lesson from it and use it to better your life and relationships
  • In Marriage even simply expressing what hurt us or offended us leaves room for it to be corrected, thus giving the heart some closer
  • Keep Asking Allah for forgiveness because we are not perfect and we could have hurt someone just as we have been hurt
  • Be mindful of what you say, or tongues are a dangerous thing and can either help or hurt us
  • If someone is having a bad day or you are do not allow it to make that your feelings for the day, make the resolve to have a good day 

Saturday, November 12, 2011

Reflections #1

I am striving to pick ayats or hadith that we can reflect on daily or each week. At the end of each reflection is a challenge in relation to the hadith or ayat posted. InshaAllah you can journal your experience of each challenge and share with us your thoughts and feelings.

We are reflecting on this hadith today:

The Prophet salallahu alayhi wa salaam said "Islam is clean, so cleanse yourselves, for only the cleansed shall enter Paradise."- At Tabarani

Cleanliness is a big part of Islam. What do you think about this hadith when you read it? It says to me that we must take great care of ourselves and our homes and make them places of clean. Also when you are cleaned up you feel good about yourself and your spirits feel good.

There are so many benefits to leading a cleanly life. It's healthy, spiritually, mentally, and physically.

Are you striving to live a clean life? 

Challenge: Make it your mission to clean that one spot in your home that you have been avoiding. After you finish, answer: How do you feel?

When "I do" becomes "I Don't Want To.."

It all started in marital bliss.
Holding hands, truly living the first year as newlyweds, rushing home to be with your spouse, leaving notes of love and after some time has passed things seem to be getting worse.
Holding hands now sounds like a far stretch, newlyweds turned into new frustrations, rushing home becomes rushing to get out the door and loving notes becomes cold, and mean letters of the latest issue.

It is not uncommon for marriages to have their bumps in the road. Speaking from experience, I know its these situations that really test ones marriage. I often think there is a reason why marriage is half our deen! Are we truly in it for the long haul? Are we ready to handle test with togetherness or when tough time comes is it everyone for themselves? Are we about making our marriages work or are we working against it??

We must strive to make our marriages work and not give up. Today couples will split over finances, arguments, and a lack of togetherness. Islam has the remedy for all these matters.

Make the intention to want peace:

Allah is As Salaam- and He can put the peace and love in the hearts of a husband and wife, they also have to want that love and peace and make mutual efforts to strive for it.
Allah says in the Quran “If you fear a breach between them (the man and his wife) appoint (two) arbitrators, one from his family and the other from her's; if they both wish for peace, Allah will cause reconciliation..” Surah An'Nisa ayat 35

If you and your husband wake up each morning with the intent of peace then Allah will give you what you strive for. Getting consultation is recommended, but it is about the intentions, have the intent to truly make changes, concede if need be, and move on from past issues that is hindering your future.

Kind words:

"A person utters a word thoughtlessly (i.e., without thinking about it being good or not, or if these
words have any significance that will raise their ranks in Heaven) and, as a result of this, he will
fall down into the fire of Hell deeper than the distance between the east and the west.''
[Bukhari and Muslim]

Increase the love by saying a kind word. Do you find that you and your husband are constantly bickering? Bringing each other down with negative words? What do you think a kind word will do? It will raise you up, how we speak to each other says a lot about how we feel about each other.

Your Fault, His Fault:

Let's take accountability for our own selves. We cannot change anyone but our selves.
Remember Shaytan also places blame, in the Quran Allah says in Surah 15 verse 39 Shaytan said “Since You (Allah) misled me into doing wrong, I will make wrong seem right to them on earth, and I will mislead them into wrong...”
Let us stop blaming each other and focus on our own issues, maybe it is then that when we overcome them, our marriages will be better. It is possible that half the time when we think the other person is the problem, it really turns out that we are the problem. When you change your negative qualities and become a more loving, caring, and considerate spouse you will find that your husband will also be the same and changes will be made, that you did not have to try and force on him.

Things may not change over night, but those who are worth it, it is worth the time and effort. Marriage is a wonderful union between a man and woman and part of being a union is being united. 

Feeling Overwhelmed

So You're Feeling Overwhelmed?
Alhamdulillah you have entered the realm of homeschooling. May Allah bless you on such an amazing journey ameen. This is a wonderful time to make many memories with your child(ren) and promote a closeness in bonding and establishing a lifelong love of learning. You may be new to this journey or finally getting into the groove of it. One thing we can all relate to is that feeling where we can become overwhelmed. This feeling can come from many places and happen at any time. The purpose of this article is to focus on ways to avoid that feeling and if it just happens to catch you, the steps you can do to get rid of it.
A typical homeschooling day could be working with more than one child, taking care of your home, cooking and cleaning. One day it might feel like it’s too much. I recommend several steps to help overwhelmed parents.
1.) Keep Allah First.
There are many duaas one can say in times of frustration. In keeping Allah first you are putting more barakah into your actions. When there is a mistake or problem, seek refuge in Allah and make duaa for patience. Make a wudu and pray a few rakats, this gets you spiritually grounded and focused. Also when your soul is at ease, everything else falls into place. Before you begin the day’s lesson say Bismillah, recite faitha and keep the remembrance of Allah. Look to Allah for ease and your days will go smoother. Express gratitude for what you do have and goodness will increase. The more you show gratitude the more you will enjoy the honor of teaching and being a homemaker. We must remember that others may not have the benefit and pleasure of doing such an extraordinary task, in that we must show thanks and remember Allah for everything He has given. There is an ayat in the Quran that says:
It is through the remembrance of Allah that the heart discovers rest." 13:28
2.) Take care of yourself
We are often very absorbed in what is going on in our homes that we tend to neglect ourselves. We must remember that we are an important part of our home and that if we do not function the whole structure of the house is thrown off. This goes into our homeschooling as well, if there isn't enough time taken to get refreshed, relaxed, and rejuvenated then we will approach our homeschool in a manner that does not warrant a positive energy, we won't put forth that “give it your all” energy. As I mentioned our homes run smoothly when we tend to take care of ourselves. More importantly if we spiritually take care of ourselves, it would be better for our mental and physical state as well. Of course there is nothing wrong with other outlets to take care of yourself such as a spa day or maybe its shopping for some as we all know that when you look good you feel good. I often recommend that if the day becomes too much then take time out, even if its 10 minutes, use that 10 minutes to make a wudu and a few rakats, it will change your vibe and put your soul at ease. Allah mentions good treatment to ones parents in the Quran, and for our older children we must share this with them as well
"And We have enjoined upon man, to his parents, good treatment. His mother carried him with hardship and gave birth to him with hardship, and his gestation and weaning [period] is thirty months. [He grows] until, when he reaches maturity and reaches [the age of] forty years, he says, "My Lord, enable me to be grateful for Your favor which You have bestowed upon me and upon my parents and to work righteousness of which You will approve and make righteous for me my offspring. Indeed, I have repented to You, and indeed, I am of the Muslims." 46:1
"And We have enjoined on man [to be good] to his parents: in travail upon travail did his mother bear him and his weaning was over two years. Be thankful to Me and to your parents, unto Me is the final destination."31:14
3.) Organize your time
I mentioned in an episode of Homeschooling Now! that organizing your time will lead to an easier homeschooling life. For instance, if you take the time once a week, say Sunday to sit down and map out the goals and accomplishments you would like to achieve during the week this would help you get your priorities in order. If the library story time is on Wednesday then on Tuesday the clothing should be ready and laid out for the next day. Lunches can be packed in advance and library cards put in their proper place. When Wednesday morning comes everything is ready to go, you are not rushing to find everyones clothes and shoes, there is some organization. Preparation is the key as my husband Ameer Idris always says and its true. You know the library is on Wednesday and so on Sunday night when you sat down to write out the sechdule for the week then you already knew ahead of time to prepare for that day. I also recommend investing in a calendar, the kind that is big and you can mark down the days of doctors appointments, story time, and family visits. It helps in homeschooling because you know that the homeschooling day will go differently based on that schedule and you know that you may need to work a little longer the day before because you won't be doing much on the day of doctors appointments or you will know what work you need to focus on later in the week. Alhamdulillah for the joys of homeschooling
4.) Support Support Support
A lot of moms (especially ones that are homeschooling for the first time) become overwhelmed when they do not know what to do or how to begin. Having a strong support system is important for mothers to have that extra vote of confidence that they may be lacking and also it is good for advice and ideas. Sometimes we feel alone and we need to reach out to others. Alhamdulillah the Islamic homeschooling scene has increased and there are many resources for support. We have parents on the Habeebee Homeschooling group on facebook that are very good at encouraging and supporting other mothers. Also the group provides an outlet for questions on parenting. There comes a time when we may question our role as a mom and teacher, these are the times when we should seek much support and assistance. Mothers have come to the Habeebee Homeschooling group because they just did not know where to start. Also mothers come to show support and positive encouragement when there are accomplishments and success in a child’s homeschooling experience. On these groups we mention free resources that help in getting mothers started; sometimes we all need that extra push but alhamdulillah a loving one that will help you in the best choice you have made...which is taking the lead role in your child’s education.
5.) Don't compare your child or yourself to anyone else
Now this list was not comprised in a particular order, except number one. After number one the rest of these steps are individually important and when put together can change your homeschooling, a lot and even outside of that. These steps are beneficial in everyday life. Our last step is not comparing your child or yourself to anyone else. I recently mentioned on the radio show about this issue. As parents we tend to measure our accomplishments by when everyone else has reached theirs. Your child is unique and moves at his or her own pace. What another child has done does not mean your child will reach the same level at the same time. Simply let go the notion that your failures and success lies in the hands of others. Do not doubt your parenting just because little Ahmad across the street can sing his ABC's backwards but your son Jabril wants to spin in circles all day. While we can promote, encourage and support our children, we cannot force them to reach levels they aren't ready for yet. Know that true success comes from Allah and that we can make duaa and ask Allah for that tawfiq, keep being patient and enjoy our children. Homeschooling done in a loving environment that promotes the love of Allah and His Messenger salallahu alayhi wa salaam and a love of education will help a child to blossom before you know it.
The (only) protection comes from Allah, the True One. He is the Best to reward, and the Best to give success. 8:4


Friday, November 11, 2011


As salaamu alaykum!

It is 2.00 a.m. and some of my best moments for writing and inspiration come after the children are asleep. It is the best times to quietly think and write. Alhamdulilah have been thinking for a long time to share a love of traditional homemaking, parenting, and Islam with other Muslimahs.

As a Muslimah mom of 4, there is so much to share about this wonderful experience. Alhamdulilah we reside in New York and we are often known for promoting and sharing our love of homeschooling.

Will update this blog often inshaAllah with thoughts on life, love, and learning from an Islamic view.

- Ameera