Sunday, November 13, 2011

Inner Winter- The Bitter Cold

He said a lot of things in the past you just can't forget. Feelings you thought you left behind a long time ago are really manifesting in your relationship every day. You struggle to move on, but that one word or new argument opens old wounds that appear to never heal.

These feelings hold you back from moving forward. Your marriage or any relationship that you had with others where you hold bitterness and resentment in your heart will not allow you to have a healthy relationship.

Moving on is easier said than done. With time and proper healing, we can rid ourselves of that inner winter, that coldness of bitterness. I have had relationships in the past and the present that I have not really healed from, and when that happens you find yourself bringing old baggage in new relationships and you start sabotaging your new relationships  Even sabotaging your marriage.

It is a real test for a believer to forgive another. Have you said something to someone else that you felt bad about later? Imagine if that person resented you for what you said. Not a good feeling? So imagine what we are doing to ourselves and others when we do not forgive. We know our Lord is Al Ghaffur- The All Forgiving, and daily we sin and we sin and we sin some more, but our Lord does not resent us for it, He simply wants us to ask for forgiveness and strive to stay away from sinning. Allah says in the Quran " Surah An Nisa and whoever does evil or wrongs himself but afterwards seeks Allah's Forgiveness, he will find Allah Oft-Forgiving, Most Merciful


None of us are perfect and have to remember that spending time hating, resenting, and being bitter it truly wasted time. Sure your feelings were hurt, and if this person made a sincere attempt to apologize and do better than nothing is holding us back from moving on except ourselves. 


You have some who may never make up for the wrongs they caused you and for you, that is okay. We have to stop allowing people to control how we feel and determine how we live our life. Life is much pleasurable and enjoyable when resentment and bitterness is not eating away at you. It is killing your life and relationships, it is up to us to make the decision to move on, sincerely--and as we do not want Allah to not forgive us, we should strive to do the same for others. As much as we do bad-wrong-haraam-that is not pleasing to our Lord, we should be concerned in often seeking His forgiveness and practice that forgiveness in our life.



The Prophet was the most forgiving person. He was ever ready to forgive his enemies. When he went to Ta’if to preach the message of Allah, its people mistreated him, abused him and hit him with stones. He left the city humiliated and wounded. When he took shelter under a tree, the angel of Allah visited him and told him that Allah sent him to destroy the people of Ta’if because of their sin of maltreating their Prophet. Muhammad prayed to Allah to save the people of Ta'if, because what they did was out of their ignorance.-Hadith


Salallahu alayhi wa salaam!! What a hadith to reflect on about forgiving others.


Keys to forgiving others and having healthy relationships:



  • Pray for the one who wronged you and pray for them to become better
  • Ask Allah to change your heart with the intent of not having animosity against anyone 
  • Take A Lesson from it and use it to better your life and relationships
  • In Marriage even simply expressing what hurt us or offended us leaves room for it to be corrected, thus giving the heart some closer
  • Keep Asking Allah for forgiveness because we are not perfect and we could have hurt someone just as we have been hurt
  • Be mindful of what you say, or tongues are a dangerous thing and can either help or hurt us
  • If someone is having a bad day or you are do not allow it to make that your feelings for the day, make the resolve to have a good day 

3 comments:

  1. Love these tips, MashAllah. Sub7anAllah, how fogiving the Prophet (salAllahu alayhi wa salam) was. If we could stive for just a pinch of his character, we would better our positions in all aspects of this life.

    ReplyDelete
  2. Amazing piece moved by it masha allah

    ReplyDelete

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