Monday, January 28, 2013
Learning To Co- Pilot
When I married him I agreed that he would be the head of our home, that he is the imam of our home and I am under his leadership.
When entering marriage we are saying these things, not verbally (an sometimes verbally), but we know that with such a commitment there are things to be expected.
Every job has a boss, someone that makes the decisions and in our home our husband has the final say he is in charge.
That does not mean we do not have a say, we can politely express our concerns and questions but the final say belongs to our husband. May Allah help us to respect that and be peaceful about it.
So we have to learn to be better co- pilots alhamdulilah, because sometimes we have the tendency to speak in a way that can insult our husbands leadership and not trust that he is making good decisions for our family.
Once we have expressed our concerns, questions etc and our husband still goes in the direction he chooses for the family then just pray Allah is guiding him and opens our hearts and eyes to what is going on, because we may not understand why our husband is doing x, y,and z ... if we were to understand it will help us receive it better.
When striving to advise our husbands it may be better to ask questions, not say "It's better to do it this way!" "Do this, don't do that!!" but say "Do you think it would work if we did it like this?" now we are showing him what we want and still giving him his right to make the final decision.
So this reminds me of the hadith on the importance of being obedient when we may question it:
Anas bin Malik (radi Allahu anhu) reported from the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) that a man told his wife, as he was leaving his house, not to go out in his absence. Her father lived in the lower portion of the house and she lived in the upper portion. Her father fell ill so she sent a message and asked Rasul Allah (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) what to do. He told her to obey her husband. Her father died, so she asked from the Prophet (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) again regarding her case. He told her again to obey her husband. Then he (sal Allahu alaihi wa sallam) sent her a message saying, ‘Allah (subhana wa ta’ala) has forgiven your father due to your obedience of your husband.” [Mujamah]
Wow subhanAllah ..how many of us would have had a hard time listening to our husband in this situation? Some of us may have left any way, ignoring our husbands orders astagfirllah... but subhanAllah look how the father was rewarded due to his daughters obedience to her husband.
There are much blessings in listening to our husbands and being patient with their leadership.
Can we learn to better co-pilots ? For the sake of healthy happy marriages and families we should! To please our Lord, we must!