As salamu alaykum To The Struggling Wife

As salamu alaykum to The Struggling wife....

You are the heart of the home. You are his support, his cheerleader, and he needs you to be by his side. Do you know how important you are to him and to your home?

You are worth more than you know. It may not be said often, but without you... Life would be a little more difficult.

I know you're struggling right now to be a better wife and I know you want to do better. Don't put too much pressure on yourself.

Keep asking Allah to guide you in becoming a better wife. Realize that you have a lot of worth and your husband knows it, he married you, he knew you were the woman who could make his life better.

Write down what you can do to make your marriage better and focus on that daily. He put you with this man, that you love, that you decided to marry. You made a commitment, and you said "I am his committed helper." so keep going! Yes it's not always easy, sometimes you want to leave... But you are a strong, praying woman. You are setting the example for your children and for your community. We need more long lasting loving marriages. We need unity. Not only do our homes benefit but the world benefits.

It is your face your husband will see that can make or break his spirit. What kind of looks are you giving? You won't have peace and joy until your mind and heart is filled with goodwill and good actions towards your husband, and ask yourself, are you truly committed to becoming a better spouse?

Ask Him to guide you

Learn to understand and appreciate him

Marriage is a gift from Allah, honor The Giver and appreciate the gift.  Remember "a wise woman builds her home and a foolish one tears hers down" what is the wisest thing to do? Are you building daily? Are you making deposits or are you constantly making withdrawals?

Get more support by being around women who will inspire and motivate you towards good.  I have probably less than three women who are my marriage motivators... They love Allah and they are committed to having a marriage He is pleased with. Do you have these kind of women in your life? Elders who impart wise advice are also gems that we must treasure and learn from.

Wake up daily with good intentions, gratitude in your heart, and the readiness to be what your man wants.

He knows you're strong, he knows that without you life wouldn't be the same, and he loves you. He wants you, he wants you to help him, not hurt him... He also doesn't want you to hurt. He needs you to be clear, he can't read your mind, but he need you to express it in a gentle womanly manner.
He knows you have a lot going on, But don't be afraid to gently remind him that you need more of his love and support.

You are his blessing, gift, and soul mate.
I understand some days it may feel hard and you feel close to breaking ... But don't break... Bend in prayer.

He is in control, and when you feel like falling, He will lift you up! Don't doubt it. He didn't put you where you are so you can give up on Him. Trust Him, He has a purpose for you... You are where you need to be for a reason! What is the reason? Think about it.
Is your husband struggling in a area that you aren't ? Then you can help him!

How blessed are we that we can provide help to those in need!!?

You will "reap a good harvest if you don't give up!" keep planting the seeds of love, prayer, trust and goodness. And the harvest of your marriage will be the sweetest fruit of your heart and joy.


  1. MashaAllah, sis...this was such a beautiful post, something I really needed to hear. I am struggling in trying to love my husband for His sake, but it has been very difficult for me lately. Alhamdulillah, my husband is a good man and loves me very much, but I am having a hard time reciprocating the same kind of affection. I don't love him the way I used to when we first got married (we've been married nearly 5 years now, alhamdulillah). This is mostly because I chose to ignore some major character flaws that, at the time, didn't bother me. However, we now have 2 small children and I want to raise them in a righteous, loving environment unlike the dysfunction we both grew up with. Even though my husband claims to be on the same page, his actions show the opposite. Being profane and vulgar, coarse, pessimistic and mean-spirited when joking around is pushing me more and more away from him. It hurts me even more when he becomes lazy in his worship (when I'm on my menses it seems like he is too), and hardly makes any effort to better himself spiritually.

    We're both converts (I've been Muslim 4 years, him 10, alhamdulillah), and we've taken classes together, gone to lectures and have learned so much about the importance of living this deen. And yet, nothing seems to stick and I feel like I'm always reminding him of the most basic things. I'm nowhere near perfect (who is), but it seems like he could care less about how his adab (or lack of it) will affect our family. He's constantly saying how he needs to change but there is very little effort or striving on his end, almost as if he's just given up. He's much more content in wasting his time with movies and internet games and all I see is a man who hasn't really grown up. I don't feel much warmth towards him anymore (it strains me to embrace his affections) and I've even contemplated divorce. But I really don't want to go down that road, having been raised by a single mother myself.

    I want to keep my family intact, but my husband's behavior makes it hard for me to envision a spiritually grounded future together. I guess I'm just venting...I pray Allah keeps me positive. I really don't want my children growing up without a father like I did. I need to hear stuff like this as often as I can. I know it could be worse, and I need to remain grateful, but more often than not, I feel like my children could use a better role model. I guess I just have to keep making du'a. Thanks again, sis, for the encouraging words. You are truly doing Allah's work. May He bless you and your growing family and make your children righteous Muslims, ameen.

    1. That's quite a lot going on and I would like to spend time helping you as much as I'm able to... if you don't mind

  2. Needed this. Felt like this was aimed at me. But what do you do if your husband married you for his mums sake and doesn't actually like you and isn't attracted to you either. And you seem to make things worse by never doing anything right and can never manage to please him. Any words of advice would be appreciated


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