After speaking in Philly alhamdulilah a few weeks later I turned 30 years old subhanAllah! My husband and I are reaching 7 years in our marriage.
And so I decided to blog about 7 things I have learned about marriage
1.) Keep God First- We live as if we see Allah and even though we don't we know He sees all that we do. In 7 years of marriage there has been plenty of test and hardships but as Allah promises, there was always ease and when we remember His words and keep in constant duaa for His help and guidance we all need in our marriages then it makes life easier. Asking Allah for strength and direction in our marital matters, when making big decisions and little decisions is a must.
"Oh you who believe! Seek help with patient perseverance and prayer, for God is with those who patiently persevere." (2:153)
Some days you may feel at the end of your rope, but when you are holding on to the rope of Allah it's never at the end.
2.) Committed Helpers- The Prophet SalAllahu alayhi wa salaam said it, we are their committed partners and helpers. In 7 years I had to learn what did committed mean. Committed means to be devoted to someone like in a relationship subhanAllah we are devoted to helping we are devoted to being their partners. When we married our spouses we said we are committed to being their help their partner their completion of half their deen...marriage subhanAllah.
"Treat them well and be kind to them for they are your committed partners and commited helpers." -Prophet Muhammad
3.) Love Yourself- Yes love yourself enough to relax, refresh and rejuvenate. 7 years married, 4 boys, 1 Ameera and I learned I'm not giving my best if I'm not at my best or feeling my best. There were days where I had to tag out and allow my husband to wrap up the day because I may have been too tired or needed a moment. Either way for your health, mentally, spiritually, physically and emotionally love yourself enough to just take a moment, sometimes 10 minutes is enough and sometimes a day is enough. Find the time to visit friends and have some sisterhood time. Loving myself to really take care of myself helps my mariage. Exercising to feel good, tone up etc only improves your self esteem and confidence around your spouse.
4.) Communication- I learned that my husband did not have the special ability to read my mind. LOL Did it really take me 7 years to figure that out? Well men are not mind readers, they don't have special psychic abilities. They ...like the rest of us, need clear communication. No subtitles, no underlined meaning, no opposite of what was said... only clear communication.
Believers! Have consciousness of Allah and say ‘qawlan sadeeda‘ (33:70) Qawlan Sadeeda is speech that is clear...straight ..that is true..proper and appropriate. We ... a team have to be clear where we stand together on discipline, teaching, how we handle disagreements, child rearing, and more. The only way we can be clear is if we properly communicate.
5.) Don't sweat the small stuff- not everything is a cause to argue, not everything is meant to be offensive and some things are not worth fussing about
6.) Don't be touch deprived- never let the days go by without touching. Hold hands, pat on the back, hug, kiss, snuggle, touch is important....when the days are tough, that comforting touch says so much and also works to motivate a person to keep going. I make sure to not deprive my husband of the joy of touching, whether we high five or give each other big hugs, it makes our hearts closer.
7.) Keep spending time together- first comes marriage then all the babies! Babies are a blessing but don't forget the one you had them with. In 7 years I learned the importance of being in each others company. Whether I am asking him about his work or he is helping me bake bread...we are together...spending quality time, making memories and building our relationship. Alhamdulilah!!! Make each moment enjoyable ...even if its taking long walks together or cooking together.
Alhamdulilah I am looking forward to the many years to come. I'm truly happy and blessed to be married to my match made in jannah.