Quality Time With Your Spouse (When You Have Children)

 If you're new to the blog, welcome!! I'm Ameera (also known as Angela) I am a mom of 7 wonderful children! So trust and believe, I am no stranger to finding ways to spend time with my spouse. I was thinking about this topic recently, and blew the dust off my blog to share a few thoughts on the topic.

I know I know, it's been awhile, and so much has changed during my time away. After the passing of my late husband (rahimahullah) see here: The Passing Of A Prince, I've been trying to adjust to my new norm and you know what? 1 year of widowhood, or 5 years of widowhood-- the adjustment is on going and as it turns out,  I will probably never be fully adjusted-- I just get better at functioning and taking on changes as they occur.

Now that I have said that, I felt the need to write tonight about quality time with spouses. It is very easy to get lost in the sea of children, business, bills, and anything and everything in the world of adulting, but it is so important for us to maintain a healthy relationship with our spouse. 

Do you remember the moment you fell in love? Did you fall in love by not spending time with your spouse? Of course not..oooh but you didn't have children before either. Well now we have to get more creative, and intentional about quality time.

Five simple but effective ways to spend quality time:

1. Pray together/ Read Quran together/ Acts Of Ibadah together-

Yep, I really believe that strengthening your spiritual relationship will help strengthen your relationship with your spouse.  Doing these acts together changes you. Traveling the path together towards Allah is a great goal. Because in the end, we want to see our beloved spouses in jannah. One of the most important things to do as a couple is to care for one another's soul. Fast on Mondays and Thursdays and break your fast together.  what brings me joy is singing qasidas or listening to my spouse sing.

2. Take time daily to give your spouse special attention- How? Show appreciation, random messages via text or whatever messaging app you're using is a good way to use technology as a tool for quality time. Make your messages personal,  "how are you doing?" "I'm thinking or you", "I miss you", "Just letting you know you're on my mind""I appreciate you"  Running an errand? If it's possible, go together! Those short drives are times for both parents to just breathe and reconnect. 

3. Cook together- Some people do not enjoy their spouse in the kitchen but cooking together is a great time to just chat. Not only are you making a delicious meal together, you are creating an opportunity to learn team work, patience, and opening the door to conversations that can be de-stressing. It creates a presence in the home that also benefits the children-- it is a healthy thing for them to witness.

4. Be present together. Be in the moment- even though we can use technology as a tool for quality time, it can just as easily be a tool that separates spouses. The constant dings and notifications going off, or being deeply engrossed in the latest Facebook post, pulls us away from more meaningful moments. There has to be a balance. Never be so much into your device that it becomes divisive. Your spouse should never feel neglected because you care so much about what is going on online than what's happening in your own home.

5. Speak their love langue- you must! This is so important to acknowledge the other person in their love language. If you do not know your spouse's love language, you both should def take the test, read the book and find out. Here's a cute but excellent chart that describes love languages. Do you communicate your love in the way that your spouse wants to receive it or understand it? When you understand your spouses love language, you can create simple ways to show it through the day. 

Of course there are many ways. Some people do date nights once a month, or go to the gym together, some couples watch a movie together at the end of the week in their home. There are many ways to spend time with your spouse, the important thing is the intention and the effort. I once heard someone say, we make time for the things we want--- well if you truly want a healthy loving relationship-- then make the time! What's worth having is worth working for every day.