There's No Popularity In Widowhood

Wow, it has been some time since I logged into the blog to write a few thoughts. I only write when I'm inspired

In nearly three years of widowhood, I have learned so much about myself. I also learned a lot about people as well.

One day a friend told me that he was approached by someone who said that I use being a widow to gain popularity.

Months later, I decided to share the thoughts of a widow.

There is no popularity in widowhood.

In fact it is the opposite of popular. Being a young widow (at the time I was 33) was unique in itself. I struggled to find my place in the grieving world. Which was predominately older women, old enough to be my grandmother. They were no longer thinking about love again, they were content with having their last love.. be their last love. They weren't thinking about having babies. They were just trying to process being alone after spending decades of their life with their spouse.

I walked into a grief share group, and all the women looked at me... in their concerned grandmother voice they asked me if I was lost. I smiled and said "this is a group for widows and widowers?" they replied "yes" and I said "I am a widow." of course the next comments were "he was so young!" and of course "what happened?" I couldn't express my thoughts about ..what if I want to marry again? how do I raise young children on my own? .... all their children were grown and moved away.

I had to find my place amongst my married friend peers and dealing with grief.

There's no popularity in widowhood.

When your friends are on date night's with their husbands, there is an awkwardness in the air when they want to be giddy and happy but they know you are ....grieving.
They try and play down their happiness and chats of anniversaries, because they don't want their friend to feel left out and alone.

Friends went on to have more children, and there I was.... thinking to myself "this is not what I wanted. I wanted to have another baby, and enjoy growing old with my husband" but here I am, trying to plaster a smile on my face, because I love my friends and I am happy for them, but I was going through so much of my own heartache. Many days, I walked that widowhood trail alone.

There's no popularity in widowhood

When your friends who are single, finally find love and they tell you "I hope this doesn't make you feel awkward, and I almost dont want to tell you but... I'm getting married!" I would smile and truly be happy for them... they had nothing to do with my pain, and therefore I wished them well. The pain of widowhood is something I want no one to experience. Everyone deserves love... they say it's better to have loved and lost, than to not love at all. So by all means, love...love deeply... love fully... love with the best of yourself. But for me, I wasn't my best self...I had lost myself and lost my purpose.

There's no popularity in widowhood.

Popularity is when you walk in the room and feel like a star, the center of attention and you're happy. Not when you walk in the room and people want to talk to you like youre a fragile broken doll... all eyes are on you, because they want to make sure you dont break down in tears...or you need a moment..or so they can make sure those egg shells they are walking on dont break. By all means, the widow is well known, not for her talents and not for her qualities... but because she is the wife of the late so and so. Her identity for awhile is gone, she is a widow. A title that no one wants to have. If that doesn't scream unpopular, I don't know what is.

There is no popularity in widowhood, but there is a blessing in this experience. Grieving increases gratitude. I never been so thankful for a full night's rest in my life. The tossing and turning and crying myself to sleep kept me awake for many nights. I am also thankful that there's something we can learn as widows..we love a bit deeper, because we know that each moment is truly precious .... each breath should be reserved for the best words, sincerest praises, and constant utterance of gratitude.  No.. widowhood isn't popular,  and yes the attention is on you for a month or two..but when the dust settles, it is just you and those who are by your side. then you have to fight the battle... with yourself. Processing guilt, grief, anger, sadness, and low faith.... while still breathing and making dinner, praying, paying bills, getting children to school, and oh by the way...there's six other grieving people you have to help.

There's no popularity in widowhood
I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy.

But there is lessons in it for all of us.